Writings & Paintings by GlescaPal Nell, London, England..    

                                   Nell … pot boiler



1. The Decision

                          The chill of the winter twilight, piercing cold, made her shiver as she walked through the wet streets, the light from the shops reflecting in the puddles, large droplets of rain mingling with the tears running down her face, and the salty taste when they reached the corner of her mouth. The moon was high overhead and she pulled her coat around her tightly and hurried on. She had thought about the decision she had made and what she was about to do endlessly for the past month, and knew she had no choice.

It had all started so beautifully, she and her best friend Lisa, had been out dancing, and were sitting drinking soft drinks, when they were approached by two men, one of them asked Babs to dance, he looked and acted charming complimenting Babs on her hair and earrings, she was attracted to him instantly and they danced the whole night. He was around six foot tall, and well built with broad shoulders, he spoke with a soft Scottish accent, not Glaswegian, more Edinburgh, and was dressed immaculately in a lovat suit, with a long back vent in the fashion of the day. Later when Lisa came over and said she was going home, Paul, thats what he said his name was, implored Babs to stay a bit longer and he would put her in a taxi home when the dancing finished. Lisa asked Babs to come to the toilet with her, once there, Lisa said "Ah don't trust him, he's goat shifty eyes Babs, come hame wi me", Babs assured her that he had been the perfect gentleman and that she would be alright and to go on home and she would see her in the morning. The dancing was in full swing, couples gyrating on the floor, with lights from the mirror ball dappling the walls with dots of light flickering around the room the music blaring, "I want to spend my life with a girl like you" boomed out and Babs and Paul were looking into each other's eyes, giving Babs a heady feeling of gaiety. As the night wore on Babs began to feel a little light headed, and Paul aked her if she felt alright, she said she thought she needed a bit of air. They got their coats from the cloakroom and emerged into the cool of the evening. It was a cool moonlit evening, and they began walking towards the city centre, Babs was by now feeling very sleepy and Paul took her by the hand over to one of the grey tenement buildings.

She came to, feeling cold and wet, and found herself lying half in a puddle in the back of the close. She felt disorientated and was sore and bleeding, after few moments, she gathered her thoughts, trying to remember how she had got here. She remembered leaving the dancing with Paul and him saying to come over to the close and they could sit on the stairs until she felt better, then blackness, she strived to remember but nothing. She realised what had happened to her, one of her stockings was lying in the puddle and her bra had been unclipped. She began to feel panic, what to do. She tidied herself as best she could and made her way to her friend Lisa's house. It was Sunday morning and her parents would be out at her Granny's house. She walked hurriedly with her head bowed. She banged on Lisa's door and pushed past her when she opened the door. "What's wrong" Lisa said, "Ah told ye he wiz shifty".

She told Lisa all that she could remember, and swore her to secrecy, she couldn't tell anyone about this, It was to be their secret, her Mother and Father would never believe her and would cause a fuss with endless questions and maybe even involve the police. She had a bath and Lisa lent her some clean clothes and underwear as her pants were missing.

The next few weeks were a blur as Babs went about her daily routine, she went to work and hoped that no one would notice anything different about her. She sorted the post, and typed the odd letter. She was the office junior in a small firm of Solicitors in St Vincent Place. The day she had been dreading arrived but her period did not, Lisa said it was probably just a bit late, but Babs knew her periods were as regular as clockwork. After another two weeks and no period, Babs knew she must be pregnant, and it must be Paul, as she had not been with anyone else he was the first. The fear in her was mounting, and she had a heavy dreadful weight in the pit of her stomach. Lisa had told her about a cousin of hers who had an abortion from a woman in Partick. Arrangements were made to meet Lisa's cousin. She explained that the woman had been very good and that it wasnt painful and would cost £30.00, where would She get £30.00, her wages were only £3/10 a week and her Mother took £2.00 of that. Lisa said I have £22.00 saved up if you can get the other £8.00. She had £12.00 in her own post office savings book. Margaret, Lisa's cousin arranged to meet Babs the next evening and take her to the woman in Partick.

They rang the bell, and a middle aged woman, tall and well dressed answered the door, Babs was surprised as she had imagined it would be an old crone. The house was clean and well furnished, and a coal fire was glowing in the hearth of the tiled fireplace. After a few questions and Babs explaining what had happened and the disbelieving look on the woman's face, she had heard it all before, an appointment was made for Friday night, which would give Babs the weekend to rest before going back to work.

She struggled with the thought for the next three days, and finally Friday arrived and she made her way to Partick, she had no choice. As she slowly walked up the stairs of the tenement building, a young girl of similar age to herself passed her, bent over in pain with large tears streaming down her face. "I can't do this" thought Babs, she turned and followed the girl down the stairs and out of the building, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and both her heart and her head told her that she was doing the right thing for her and her unborn baby.

She thought of how she would cope and how she would explain to her Mother and Father, she hoped that perhaps they would understand.


2. The Telling
    It was late by the time Babs got home, her Mother and Father were in bed in the kitchen, she crept into the bedroom, undressed and got into bed beside her younger sister who was sleeping soundly, Babs looked at her sleeping face, scrubbed clean, rosy cheeks and her hair in the obligatory rags in a vain attempt to coax a curl into her poker straight hair, moosy broon hair, her mother always said, Babs gently pushed the blanket under her sister's chin, she had slept in the same bed as her wee sister all of their lives, and tonight she felt particularly close to her. Babs always liked this room, although shabby, it was clean and smelled of lavendar polish, she felt safe here. The room was dark except for a shaft of bright piercing light from the street lamp which cut through the room like a scythe, and in which danced, millions of dust particles casting weird, menacing shadows on the ceiling. She thought of the many nights when she and her sister Lena frightened each other imagining what dark monsters hid behind those shadows. Babs, deep in thought, was gazing intently at the dust. She knew she must tell her parents. She made up her mind to tell them first thing in the morning before she left for work. "Yes that would be best" she thought, with a feeling of dread, as she drifted into a restless sleep.

She was awakened by Lena climbing over her to get out of bed, her mother was calling that it was past seven and if she didnt get up she would be late for work. Babs swung her legs round, and stood up, she suddenly felt sick, and began retching, her Mother called in "are you awright Babs". Babs called back that she was fine and that she must have eaten something the previous evening. Her Father had already left for work. She was wondering how she could tell her Mother. She went into the kitchen, her Mother was standing at the sink looking out of the window to the street. "It looks like rain" she said. Babs said "Mam I need to speak with you about something,"
"What is it" said her Mother "You are going to be late for work". Babs began crying and her Mother came over and put her arm around her, "Whats the matter Babs, what is it you need to tell me". "I'm expecting a baby" said Babs, her Mother let out a scream, "Who's baby, you arent even winchin". Babs told her mother the whole story, and said she didnt want to go to the police and she didn't want to have an abortion, she just wanted to have the baby and carry on as normal. Her Mother didn't agree and said that Babs would either have an abortion or go away to have the baby and then have it adopted , she said she would speak to her Father when he got in from work and they would contact the police to report the rape and make arrangements for Babs to go and live with her Aunt Betty in Leeds, until the baby was born, and arrangements could be made for adoption, yes that would be best her Mother said, "don't worry Babs your Father and I will take care of everything", "Thats exactly what I am afraid of" thought Babs.

All that day in work, she couldnt concentrate on anything and her boss called her into her office and asked if she was OK. Babs said she was, but that she was feeling a bit sick, her boss said she could go home and rest and come in on Monday. She handed Bab's the familiar small brown envelope, and said "You better take your wages now Babs". She took the envelope and glanced at the clear window £3/10d the usual amount and putting the envelope into her pocket Babs left her work and hurried home, she wanted to get there before her Mother and Father got in from work. When she arrived at the close, Mrs Givens was standing at the close mouth. "No at work the day Babs". Babs explained that she had been sent home early because she was feeling sick. She opened the door quietly, the house was empty, she had a couple of hours before her Mother was due home. She went into the bedroom and got the small worn brown leather suitcase her Mother kept on top of the wardrobe, she began putting her clothes into it, folding them neatly, when she had finished, she sat down at the kitchen table and wrote a note to her Mother and Father, explaining that she had gone away until after the baby was born and that she would be in touch then.

She put on her coat, and lifted the suitcase, and with a backward glance she left the house carefully locking the door behind her, she put her key through the letterbox and walked down the stairs into the street. The street was quiet and almost empty. She thought of the years she had spent playing in this street, kick the can, allevio the halcyon days when there were no worries about rapes and babies, she walked hurriedly down to the corner. She looked back trying to hold back the tears which were now falling down her face in large droplets. She had no idea where she was going. She still had the money for the abortion and with her wages it would last her until she got settled and got a job, and with one last look she turned the corner, pulled her coat around her and hurried towards the bus stop.


3. The Witness
                         John Anderson woke with a pounding headache, he reached for the clock and squinted to see the time, its was 09:30, he was now regretting his night at the dancing with George, but George had been insistent, saying "We can go to the Barrowland and pick up a couple of burds", John had met George a few months back when he was transferred temporarily from the Edinburgh Branch to his own in Glasgow, they both worked for Gordon & Sons a small accountancy firm with three branches in Scotland, the other one being in Aberdeen. They were around the same age and although John thought George a bit strange, he nevertheless made him welcome and George had, in turn, latched on to him.

He got out of bed and stood up, the pain in his head was getting worse, he went to the bathroom, where he kept a couple of Abdine's, poured a glass of water and added the white sachet followed by the blue, the effervescence from the bubbles made him gag slightly, but he drained the glass in one go, he immediately felt better as the fizzy liquid moistened his dry throat. He was thinking of the girl George had lumbered, "she was a cracker" he thought as he made himself a cup of tea. It was Saturday morning and he had arranged to meet George in the town to buy some shirts and go for a pint, but the very thought of a pint was making him feel queasy. John had recently moved out of his Parent's home in Hyndland and was living in a bedsitter in Rupert Street, just off Great Western Road. He had a wash at the sink, brushed his teeth, he thought of shaving but decided he would shave later when he got home. he dressed and then looked out of the window, the sky was overcast, and the black cloud overhead threatened rain. He opened the door and quickly ran down the stairs two at a time. As soon as he walked out of the close the rain came pouring down in sheets. He stood in the close until the rain died down and then ran towards Great Western Road where he would catch the bus to town, he was meeting George in Lewis's record department at 11:30. He sat on the bus watching the Glaswegians scurrying about their business, he always thought that everyone in Glasgow always looked busy, no sauntering along for Glasgow folk, they always seemed to be in a hurry. The girl from the dancing kept creeping into his thoughts. The abdine was working its magic and his head began to clear and by the time he got to Argyle Street his headache had gone and that pint was beginning to look more and more attractive.
He saw George straight away in the crowd, he always stood out, being six foot tall with a classically handsome face, he had piercing ice blue eyes, and John always thought he could detect something cruel in his flinty stare, which made John a little uneasy and wary of him. "How did you get on with that lassie" he asked George. "What lassie" George said. "The one I left you with last night, Babs wasnt it quite a looker, trust you to get the best looking one" he laughed.

"Oh her" said George a little too quickly, "we danced a couple of dances and then she said she had to go" and I left her in the dancing and caught a taxi home". He asked George why he had said his name was Paul, George stuttered that he always did that when he met a girl for he first time. John thought he detected a note of annoyance in George's voice, which seemed to get higher, and by way of lightening the tense atmosphere he said "come on lets go upstairs and look at the shirts".

After buying two shirts, John said, "do you fancy a pint? now". "Yes" said George. John replied "we'll go to the Red Lion in West Nile Street, they do a good pint of heavy in there". The rain had stopped and they walked quickly up to West Nile Street and into the Red Lion pub, it was an old pub which had not seen a lick of paint in many years, but it was quiet and the beer was good. John broached the subject of the previous evening again, but George kept avoiding his questions and changing the subject. After their pint, John said "I have to go now, I told my Dad I would be up this afternoon to go to the snooker with him". John left George still in the pub ordering another pint. As he left, he felt a sense of relief to be away, there was definately something bad about George. It had started to drizzle again, John turned up his collar and as he made his way back down to Argyle Street through the throngs of Saturday shoppers he was thinking about the girl, and George's evasiveness, and was wondering why George was avoiding the subject, he saw the big Orange and Green bus pass him and ran towards it, jumping on the back just as it pulled away from the stop.

4. The Missed Chance
     It was still raining when Babs got off the bus at Dundas Street Bus Station, it was late afternoon and getting dark, people were hurrying two and fro on their way home from work, and the bus station was buzzing with people going about their business, oblivious to the trauma of the past few weeks for Babs. She went into the bus station cafe and ordered a cup of tea, and the smell of the food reminded her that she hadn't eaten all day and her stomach was now making loud rumbling noises in protest. She ordered a roll and sausage and sat at the table near the window. The cafe was nearly empty except for two women talking animatedly in the corner table. They were discussing the weather and Babs laughed quietly to herself when one of the women said "its been raining cats & dugs aw day, and ahv goat a wet washing hinging oan the pulley cos ah canny get it oot in this rain". Babs was sitting pensively eating her sandwich and thinking of what to do now, her Mum would be getting in from work soon, and would see her note. She had by now decided that she would go to London, she had been there before for a couple of weeks, when she went with her pal Lisa's family to visit her Mother's sister who lived in the Paddington area. Babs and Lisa had been insperable since they met in the School Playground on their first day at Dalbeth School, she would miss Lisa, but resolved to write to her as soon as she was settled. She finished her tea and picked up her suitcase and made her way to the ticket office. "Can I get a bus to London from here" she asked the middle aged man behind the counter, he had a kindly look and said "Naw hen, you need to go to Buchanan Street Bus Station fur a bus tae London.". Babs thanked the man, and walked towards the exit from the station. It was still raining and she hugged her coat up to her chin and with her head bent against the rain she walked briskly towards Buchanan Street.

John had hardly spoken with George since their last meeting in Lewis's, he had noticed that George had been avoiding him, that suited John and he was pleased when George announced that he would be going back to the Edinburgh Branch at the end of the month. John had worked the previous Saturday and his boss had given him this Friday off in lieu. He had been lazing about all morning and had decided to go to his Mum's for his dinner. He got there around noon and his Mum was delighted to see him, she said "Go on into the Living Room son, your Dad's in there". He went into the room, in which he had spent his childhood, the familiar smell of polish and his Mum's cooking. His Mum called out from the kitchen "we are just about to have a wee plate of soup John, do you want a plate". His Dad said "why do you think he's here Lizzy, its no to see us two auld codgers" John laughed and said he had hoped that he and his Dad could go for a game of snooker after the soup. John and his Dad finished their soup, and as his Mum was clearing away the plates his Dad said "right let's go and ahll thrash you again at the snooker", John laughed and said "I feel lucky the day Dad". They got up to leave and Lizzy shouted through, "it's still raining, mind and put your coats on the pair of you". Father and son set off for the snooker hall, which was above the local library, it was a strictly male environment, as women weren't allowed into the snooker hall, it had a musty smell mixed with tobacco, it was a dark wood panelled room which had a permanent mantle of smoke swirling around relieved only by the shafts of light falling from the shaded bright lamps over the snooker tables, highlighting the bright green of the felt in sharp contrast to the gloominess of the rest of the room, it reminded John of one of those old film noir movies. It was a large room with six snooker tables and as John and his Dad entered, everyone turned and said hello, his Dad was a regular and knew everyone in the place. There was a vacant table, they took off their jackets, got a cue each from the rack and chalked up.
John enjoyed his games of snooker with his Dad and since he had left home it had become a regular thing on a Saturday afternoon. He had never been close to his Dad growing up, as he was always working, he was closer to his Mother, and being an only son with two older sisters, his Mum adored him and had spoiled him, much to the chagrin of his two sisters. Now, playing snooker, with his Dad on Saturdays had brought them closer and after the snooker they would have a pint and sit and talk for a while, during these times his Dad began telling him about his years doing his National Service, they laughed about his de-mob suit and John was engrossed when his Dad told him of his stint in Malaysia at the end of the War. It was early evening when John left his Dad to go home he caught the bus to town first, he wanted to catch Lewis's before it closed and buy that new Beatles record. He had decided to stay home and listen to some music on his blue and white Dansette record player his Mum had bought him for his last birthday. He jumped off the bus at Argyle Street and ran into the shop and took the record to the counter, the young shop assistant said "Ah bought that today too, its dead good" he handed over the 6/8d for the record and left the warmth of the shop and into the cold damp street. He caught the bus towards Great Western Road. Sitting on the top deck he was examining the sleeve of the record, and as the bus travelled up Buchanan Street, he looked out of the window, he noticed the girl straight away, walking quickly with her collar turned up, she was carrying a brown suitcase, he looked closer and thought "that's the girl, George got off with at the Barrowland", he had been thinking of her almost constantly since he had left her with George, he had wanted to ask her to dance, but George had got to the girls first and John was left with Lisa, she was a nice girl, but John had lost interest and after a dance they had parted. The girl was hurrying down Buchanan Street, her hair was flat to her head from the rain but it was definately her he thought, she looked intent on getting to her destination, He decided to get off the bus and ask her to go for a cup of tea. He got up and after what seemed like an age it stopped at the stop and he got off and began running back down the street, he was oblivious to the rain which was now pounding onto his face as he ran to where he had seen Babs. When he arrived, there was no sign of her, he thought "She was carrying a suitcase, yes she will be in the bus station". He ran into the Bus Station, and after spending twenty minutes searching around he realised he had missed his chance, he shrugged and headed back to the street, he was soaked through and decided to go for a pint into the warm pub to dry off a bit and in the hope that the rain would let up before he went home to listen to his record.

  5. The Exile
                         As she sat in the grounds of the University, Babs reflected on the years since she had left Glasgow on that cold rainy night, the bus journey to London the fear and apprehension at what lay before her. Now here she was 22 years later sitting in the hot sun at the graduation ceremony of her son William, and when they announced his name she felt a surge of pride and had to physically stop herself from jumping up and cheering.

It hadn't been easy for her, she had got a job easily enough when she arrived in London and a small bedsit in the Earl's Court area she had spent her first two nights in London in a shabby hotel in Victoria and had been told that Earls Court was a good area to get a cheap bedsit. Her baby had been born without complications in Princess Beatrice Hospital, a healthy boy, weighing in at 9lb 2oz, he had a mop of black hair and the chubbiest rosy cheeks. She had to give up her job to have the baby and had been saving hard and buying baby things each week since she arrived in London so that she and the baby could live until she could organise a babyminder and get another job.

She had been searching for a more suitable place to bring the baby home and had met Stephanie in a flat agency, she was there looking for someone to share her three bedroomed flat in Fulham, Babs had got talking to her, and Steph said "why dont you share the flat with me, that way we both avoid paying agency fees". They left the agency and caught the tube to Fulham, it was only two stops. The flat was in a Mansion Block on the first floor, it had two large bedrooms and one smaller one, which was home to Stephanie's three year old daughter, a living room a fair sized kitchen and bathroom. Babs was over the moon, and the rent was was affordable. She paid the deposit to Steph and as she owned the flat, she waived the four weeks rent in advance and allowed Babs to pay one week in advance. She had begun moving her stuff from the bed sit straight away, and bought a moses basket for the baby to sleep in for the first few months, she would buy a cot later when she had saved enough money. Babs couldnt believe her luck.

Stephanie Jarman had been divorced from her husband for a year and part of the settlement was that she kept the flat they had both bought, she had been awarded a substantial sum for their daughter Alana's education and an allowance for her upkeep, this allowed Stephanie to stay at home with her daughter, and when she suggested that she could look after the baby while Babs worked, it was just perfect. Two weeks after her baby was born Babs was back at work in a firm of Accountants in the Strand, she was the office junior, but she worked hard and before long she was promoted to the typing pool, which meant a small raise in salary. The typing pool consisted of two typists and the Supervisor, Emily Goddard, who insisted on being called Miss Goddard, she was a spinster who lived on her own in Tooting since her spinster sister died several years earlier, they had both looked after their elderly Mother. She was a tall, stern, tweedy woman with grey hair scraped back from her face in a small bun at the nape of her neck and reminded Babs of the Maths teacher at Dalbeth School. She had worked for Edwards & Sons Accountants for thirty years and this was her last year there before retiring.
Babs was hurrying out of the office when she collided with David Edwards the eponymous son in the title of the company name Edwards and Son, the papers she was carrying were scattered all over the floor and he said, "here let me help you" and began picking up the papers, Babs took them, apologised and turned to go, he said "Would you like to go for a coffee this lunch time"? The question took Babs by surprise and she stuttered, "yes Ok but I need to hurry as Miss Goddard is waiting for these papers, and I will need to collate them again". "See you at 12:30 then" he said as he turned away and went into his office. Babs had been busy and at 12:30 she looked up from her typewriter to see David Edward's smiling face, "are you ready then?" he asked and Babs got up and they both walked out of the door. They had coffee in a small cafe a few doors from the office, and Babs, who had never drank coffee before, enjoyed the experience, the burnt taste mixed with cream and sugar was most pleasant. At first she was shy and didnt say much, but David drew her into the conversation, by asking her questions about Glasgow and Scotland, she felt herself warming to him and when he asked if she would go out with him again she found herself saying yes.

Babs hadnt spoken to her Mother and Father since the night she left Glasgow, but she had written to her sister Lena and had been corresponding with her friend Lisa on a regular basis and had telephoned her from the telephone box at the corner of the street several times. She knew her Mother and Father were furious that she had left, but since she was over 16 there was little they could do to bring her back. They knew she was in London, Lena had told them, but they did not know where as Babs hadnt given Lena her address in London.

Her meandering nostalgic reverie was interrupted by William's voice "Hello Mum", Babs turned to look up at her handsome son, shading her eyes with her hand and squinting in the bright sunlight, he was over six foot tall with dark hair and pale blue eyes. He had been a studious boy, and had given Babs none of the usual problems associated with teenage boys. He had done well at school and got a place studying Law at University. It had been the proudest moment of Babs life, but now at his graduation ceremony her heart was fit to burst. David (now her husband) was sitting next to her and her sister Lena had come down from Glasgow for the ceremony. Her Dad had died two years previously and her Mother had refused to come to see her only Grandson graduate.

Later that day, Lena and Babs were sitting in the large modern kitchen of David and Babs home, after they married they had bought a small terraced house in Putney and had sold it at a tidy profit and bought the house where they now lived in Ealing.

Lena said "you know Babs Mum is getting old, dont you think its time for a reunion". Babs replied "it is Mum who doesnt want to see me not the other way around". "Yes, I know replied Lena, but she is getting old, and you may regret this rift when she is gone, I think you should come back with me and confront her, I am sure once she sees you, she will welcome you with open arms".

"I dont know Lena, she might not". The thought of going home to Glasgow and seeing her Mother again, played on Bab's mind and filled her with a foreboding sense of impending doom, she discussed it with David and William that evening, and they both agreed that Bab's should go back and try to heal the rift between her and her Mother.
So it was that Bab's found herself, the following day, on the train to Glasgow with her sister. As the train neared Glasgow, Bab's was feeling a mixture of excitement and fear and was contemplating the reception she would receive from the Mother she hadn't seen for 22 years.


6. The Reunion
    As the train sped north, Lena and Babs talked of the past and why Babs had left. She knew that Babs was pregnant but didn't know she had been raped, her Mother had told her that Babs was having a baby and she didnt know who the father was. Babs was glad, at the time she didn't want her fourteen year old sister to know she had been raped. Suddenly Lena said, "you must know who William's father is Babs". Babs looked into her sister's pretty face, her "moosy broon hair" was now a copper colour, which contrasted beautifully with her deep green eyes. She had grown into a beauty. Lena was three years younger than Babs and at 36 years old she was in her prime. She had been married, there had been no children and the marriage hadn't worked out, she was still friends with Gino and occasionally went out with him for lunch or dinner. Gino was second generation Italian, his Grandfather had been a prisoner of war and had stayed in Glasgow after the war bringing his family over from Italy. The family owned several restaurants in the city, and Lena had been welcomed by Gino's extended, gregarious family. She still had a good relationship with Gino's mother who spoke loudly in a strong Italian accent she was the stereotypical, gesticulating, large bosomed Italian matriach. Lena was now living on her own in a flat in the Merchant City area of Glasgow. She had a good career as a Graphic Designer with one of the National Daily Newspapers, situated in Union Street and within walking distance of her flat.

Babs had never spoken of the events of that night since she had told David some 20 years previously, she had buried it in the depths of her mind, it was just too painful, but now, sitting here with her sister, she felt an urge to tell her. Babs told Lena everything she could remember, she had never told anyone the whole story, she hadn't even told David or Lisa, her best friend, about the deep scratches and bite marks on her breast and the extensive bruising on her thighs, and the pain in her stomach for days afterwards, the obssessive bathing, in the hope that she could wash away the unclean feeling, which permeated her body, with soap and water. The sleepless nights striving to remember something, anything, and the waking up suddenly in the night with an image of Paul's face and his icy blue eyes staring down at her. It was a catharsis for Babs, and she felt unburdened after telling her sister. When she had finished, Lena was crying softly, she said "What about the other guy, where did he go?", Babs replied that Lisa had told her his name was John and that they had danced once and afterwards he just said thank you and headed towards the door disappearing into the crowds of dancers. "Why didnt you report it Bab's" said Lena. "I didnt know anything about him, he was a total stranger, it's different now, back then no one would have believed me. William doesn't know I was raped, he thinks his Father was a one night stand that went wrong. I didn't want to burden my child with the knowledge that his father was an evil man who spiked women's drinks before brutally raping them".

As they neared Glasgow, Babs was staring out of the window trying to catch the familiar names of the stations, Motherwell, Hamilton, Cambuslang and soon they were getting up from their seats and the feeling of dread mixed with excitment rose as the train crossed the railway bridge and when she saw the old Cinerama cinema she knew that the train would be stopping at the station in a very few minutes. They got off the train and walked briskly along the platform to the main concourse, with it's familiar brown panelled shop fronts and the windows of the bar overlooking the concourse. They walked down the slight incline towards the main exit to the station and the taxi rank.

As they got into the taxi, the driver said, "Right ladies, where dae ye want me tae take ye?" "Glencreiff Street" Lena said. The driver replied laughingly, with a feigned deference "Awright ladies, ahm at yir beck and call fur the duration of this journey bit don't ask fur anything too energetic". Babs smiled at the familiar accent and the typical Glasgow taxi driver's humour, it provided light relief to the foreboding feeling that was chipping away in the pit of her stomach. After what seemed like an eternity the taxi pulled up at 38 Glencreiff Street. The street hadn't changed much, although the red sandstone building she had grown up in looked cleaner, she remembered it as a dirty building with the residue of Glasgow's industrial past clinging to it like black poison ivy, she hadnt noticed, as a child how beautiful the building was, but now with the sun reflecting in the windows revealing the intricate Victorian detail to the world, it looked resplendent. She noticed above the close sculpted into the stone 1893, and wondered about all the families with their joys, tragedies and scandals, who had lived there since then.

They walked slowly up the stairs, they seemed steeper to Babs, she thought I couldn't run up them two at a time now. Lena knocked on the door, it was exactly the same as it had been, the same tartan nameplate and the same brass letterbox she had dropped her keys through all those years ago. Her Mother opened the door a little and seeing Lena she turned and walked away saying "What are you doing here, are you no at work?" Lena said, "No Mum I have surprise for you". They walked into the kitchen, it looked different, the recess where the bed had been now had a small table and chairs, the flowery wallpaper with the diamond shaped panels of a different flowery wallpaper had gone, the brightly, patterened carpet and couch had gone also, as a child Bab's had thought that the carpet the couch and the wallpaper all grew into one another, they had now been replaced by a plain pale brown carpet and a plain beige couch.

When Babs entered the room her Mother turned and looked at her with a quizzical look as if she was trying to place her face from the recesses of her memory, and then recognition, "Is that you Babs" said her Mother, if Babs had expected a happy tearful reunion she was to be disappointed, "do yous want a cup of tea" her Mother said non-chalantley. "Yes" said Lena "that's a good idea I'll put the kettle on". "So whit brings you here then" said her Mother. Babs said "I think we should put the past behind us Mum". Babs was unprepared for her Mother's response "You killed your Dad wi all your shenanigans" Her Mother said, her voice rising to a crescendo. "Getting knocked up by some fly-by-night, telling me a cock and bull story aboot being raped, and then running away." Babs tried to explain that she really had been raped and that her Dad had died twenty years after she left, but her Mother wasn't listening, she was consumed by the version of events her mind would let her accept comfortably, she had lived in denial and disbelief about the rape for so long now she couldn't admit the truth even if she wanted to. Lena interrupted "the kettle is boiled, lets sit down and talk this over". "There is nothing tae talk over" said their Mother, "Ahv nothing to say to her, she's made her bed, she kin lie in it". Babs looked at her Mother standing there, her anger pouring out of her, she seemed smaller than Babs remembered, her long dark brown hair had given way to a silvery grey bob, her lined, carworn face was now contorted into an angry snarl. Babs said quietly "Come on Mum, lets talk, it happened a long time ago, can we not just put it behind us". Her Mother replied "you think you kin waltz in here efter twenty odd years, and expect tae be welcomed as the prodigal daughter, well you hiv another think coming". Babs turned away, her heart pounding in her breast, and walked towards the door, "wait Bab's" said Lena, "Let her go" said her Mother, "back to her baastard wean!". Babs looked at her Mother once more, she felt pity for her, trapped for all these years in her soul destroying anger. She turned and walked slowly out of the door, closing it quietly behind her.

  7. The Meeting
                          Babs reached the close she could see the bright sunlight casting a shadow on one side of the tiled wall, the sunlight was reflecting off the tiles and dappling the other side with bright sunlight, in contrast to Babs melancholy mood. She heard Lena’s voice echoing down through the cool empty stairs “wait Babs”. As she stood there waiting for her sister, two young girls passed giggling, they turned to Babs and said “hello Missus, who urr ye visitin”. Babs looked down at the eager young faces smiling up at her, and thought of herself at that age standing in this same close giving cheek to Mrs Givens, the close gossip. “Mrs Craig“ replied Babs. “That auld woman that lives wan up“ said the younger of the girls. “Yes“ said Babs. “Ma Mammy said she‘s a cantankerous auld witch“ with that the two girls ran into the close laughing. Lena came walking towards Babs, her face contorted with anger. “I can’t believe Mum, blaming you for Dad’s death, he died of cancer, it had nothing to do with you leaving”. “I know” Babs replied resignedly, “but Mum needs someone to blame and I am it. Come on lets go, I don’t want to be here now Lena” The two sisters walked along the street arm in arm as they had as children and hailed a Taxi, Bab‘s felt a sense of sadness and pity for her Mother, a bitter, sad, lonely old woman, who was missing out on her Grandchild‘s life by nursing her wrath for all these years.

“Gino’s in Royal Exchange Square please driver” said Lena. We’ll go and have a late lunch at Gino’s, you have never met him”. “Ok” said Babs.

Gino’s was a large Italian Restaurant, nestling in the corner of the square, as the two women walked through the door a handsome Italian man, of medium height with a stocky build came towards them smiling broadly, he grabbed Lena and kissed her on both cheeks, “Hello beautiful” he said in a peculiar accent, a mixture of Glaswegian and Italian which made Babs smile. “Let me introduce you to my big sister Babs” said Lena, Gino shook Babs hand firmly and gave her the obligatory Italian greeting of a kiss on both cheeks. “It’s great to meet you at last Babsy” he said. “You are just how I imagined you. Come on sit down, I’ll get the waiter”. The restaurant was large and busy, the main floor, surrounded by wood panelled booths, which afforded a little privacy. Italian/American memorabilia decked the walls with photographs of Hollywood stars of the 50s and the great baseball stars of that era, in the background Babs could hear Luis Prima’s “Angelina” playing which added to the Italian atmosphere, the whole place had the air of a New York Italian restaurant of the early 1950s, you almost expected Joe Di Maggio and Marilyn Monroe to be sitting at the next table. Gino showed them to a small booth in the far corner, explaining that his friend, John Burns, had booked it, “do you remember him Lena, he was at our wedding". Lena remembered John, a good looking guy, with a nice line in self depreciation which had made her laugh. “He won’t mind sitting at a table on the main floor“ said Gino. “I’m starving” said Lena and plumped for the spaghetti and meatballs. Babs chose a salad, her stomach was churning after the meeting with her Mother and she didn‘t feel like eating. They ordered a bottle of Red Wine. Gino excused himself explaining that he would join them later when it was less busy.

John had arranged to meet his client in his favourite restaurant, he had been using the restaurant since his wife had taken him there on their first date and had continued after their acrimonious divorce. He liked the atmosphere, and Gino, the proprieter, was a great guy, John had got to know him over the years and considered him a friend. He had been to Gino’s wedding, some years previously, a big, gregarious Italian affair, but the marriage hadn’t lasted long. The split had been amicable and Gino and his ex-wife Lena were still very good friends. She was in the restaurant occasionally when John popped in at lunch time, or for something to eat on his way home. He arrived at the restaurant right on time, and went straight in, he had booked a booth for two in the corner away from the hustle and bustle of the main restaurant. He looked around and noticed that Gino was showing some people to a table. He thought, “he’s busy, I’ll just go straight to my table", as he neared the booth he could see two women sitting there talking intently, he recognised Lena straight away, and said “hello Lena”. “Hi John, sorry about the booth, you can join us if you like” as he was about to reply the waiter approached him, “Hello John, we had a phone call for you from Davidsons, the message is that Leo can‘t make the meeting today". “That message was my client, he can’t make it so if you don’t mind I’ll take you up on your offer”. He sat down and for the first time looked over at the other woman sitting opposite him, he thought he recognised her, he searched his mind, but couldn’t place her, he knew he had seen her before somewhere. Lena interrupted his thoughts “This is my sister Babs” said Lena. John’s heart lurched when he heard the name, it was her, the girl that night with George, he was sure it was her. With his heart pounding and his thoughts racing, he shook her hand firmly and looked straight into her eyes, there wasn’t a scrap of recognition in her face. Soon they were all chatting amicably. Babs was telling them about William’s degree and how proud she and David were of him. John couldn't stop himself staring at Babs, he couldn’t believe that this beautiful woman sitting opposite him was the same person as the gauche, pretty, giggling little girl he had dreamed about and had fallen in love with that night all those years ago at the Barrowland.
 

17.  It was late afternoon when Babs and David arrived home, the house was in darkness. “William isn’t back yet” said Babs, I hope everything is OK. David’s attempt at reassurance wasn’t working. “He knows where Gregory lives” said Babs, “what if he’s gone there, David, I’m worried”.
“He wouldn’t be that stupid, would he” replied David with more conviction than he felt.
“I think we should go to Earl’s Court David” said Babs.
“No” said David, almost shouting, “you are going nowhere near Earl’s Court, you stay here in case William comes back and I’ll drive to Earls Court and make sure William isn’t there”.
Babs felt relieved.
After David had gone, Babs couldn’t settle, she had a bad feeling. She heard the footsteps on the gravel and thought, “That will be William”. She hurried to the door her anxiety rising at the task ahead of her.
She opened the front door, and before she could establish who was there, the door was violently pushed open, and she fell backwards onto the floor, she looked up and standing over her with an menacing grin on his face stood George Gregory. Babs heart was beating fast, and thoughts were coming at her like the rat-a-tat-tat of machine gun fire. “how did he know where she lived? Where was William? What did he want?”.
“Hello Babs” he said lasciviously in his soft Edinburgh accent “long time no see”. He had closed the door behind him. Babs began scrambling to get up from the floor, but could only slide backwards away from his advancing body bearing down on her. He pulled her up by her arm, and she let out a scream at the pain in her wrist as he yanked her to her feet. He man-handled her towards the open door of the living room, and pushed her onto the sofa.
“Just shut your mouth and you will be OK” he said.
“What do you want” said Babs, David will be back in a few minutes”.
Gregory began laughing, “He looked as if he was in a hurry to get somewhere, when I watched him rush to the car, where has he gone?”
“He has only gone to the shop” lied Babs, struggling to control the tone of her voice.
“I’ll take my chances” said Gregory, “I think we’ve got enough time for what I want”.
Babs felt her stomach churn.

“Get up” said Gregory. Babs got up slowly from the sofa. “Move” said Gregory. “Where’s the bedroom, it will be a nice change in a bed, after the last time in the back of a close” he said laughing, "you weren't so unsociable then". She felt the fear rise in her breast and the memories of how she felt that night so long ago, but she knew she had to keep calm if she was to get through this, best to just get on with it, she knew if she resisted he would hurt her. Her mind was consumed by the dread of William or David coming back before Gregory left, they might get hurt. She heard herself saying, in a flat monotone “The bedroom is upstairs, I’ll show you”. She led the way up to the bedroom and he put his hand on her leg as they climbed the stairs, her skin tightened and she felt every pore in her body crawling. He pushed her into the bedroom on onto the bed, he pulled off her pants and stuffed them in his pocket spread her legs and began touching her. He was saying how much fun he was going to have, and then he said “you know I am going to kill you don’t you?, can’t leave you as a witness now can I?”
She was lying across the breadth of the bed, her head lolling backwards. He was stroking her leg gradually moving up towards her thighs. The room was upside down, from where she lay, adding to the manic, surreal feeling in her head. Her fear had subsided, all she wanted now was for it to be over. She first noticed the bright red dumbell as he reached the top of her thighs, David had been using them and one of them was lying on the floor at the side of the bed. She deftly manoeuvred her arm, behind her head, and could just reach it. With her heart pounding, she lifted the bright red dumbell and with every ounce of strength she could muster she brought it crashing down onto his head, his blood spattered everywhere, she could feel the warmth of the spatters hitting her face. His head fell forward, face first onto her stomach, and his blood began trickling down her body. She lay there unable to move, Gregory kneeling in front of her open legs with his head face down on her stomach.

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